Reviews for Secret Undercurrents

Reviews For: Secret Undercurrents - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

obsesseddanni 2008-05-09 ch 15,	abuseoh... now im unsure... who do i like more? leo... or kieran... aw you're making this hard sibby! IM CONFLICTED!
JJ March 2008-05-08 ch 14,	abuseUgh what a **! I hate Belinda!
PoorEnglishArtist 2008-05-08 ch 14, anon.	abuseNo, she shouldn't let her. Definately not. Have her trick Leo into getting rid of her or something...but don't have her make them break up - don't do it I tell ye! Kieran is sweet. Me loves. :D "and my parents find ways" = I think this should have an 'always' in it. T'would just sound so much more...threatening, if you get me. Keep 'em coming!
obsesseddanni 2008-05-06 ch 13,	abuseoh. my. god.
PoorEnglishArtist 2008-05-05 ch 13,	abuseHmph. I made you a review...and then I think I pressed the wrong combination of keys...and it all got deleted. Darn it! So, the review: THAT BASTARD! Disliking Leo immensly at the moment, wot an insane idiot. :L Don't have them cheat! PM me if you can't think of any other way to have drama - I got a couple of ideas, but tis your story, so do what you like - but please, don't have them cheat; as readers we'd all lose respect for the girl. Kieran is too nice to be cheated on!! Keep writing!
claireponcherrii 2008-05-04 ch 12,	abuseug! i hate leo! but love kieranxmaddy btw
PoorEnglishArtist 2008-05-04 ch 12,	abuseI liked the last five lines the best. I wonder how much 'talking' he wants to do? :L Good writing there! Quite a long chapter this time, eh? I like Kieran's character, not totally in love with Maddy's, but that may just be because she's so different to me (hence [to an extent], my characters) so meh. And you mentioned fast metabolism. Go you! Do you have these chapters already written, or are you just writing them off the fly? 'Cause you've been updating mighty fast these past couple of days!
JJ March 2008-05-04 ch 12,	abuseOh update soon!! I don't deal with suspense well! I love the part where Kieran kisses Maddy, it's really well written!
obsesseddanni 2008-05-04 ch 12,	abuseoh complications... but i liked the meltingy puddle bit when kieran left... i am so in love with him... more
PoorEnglishArtist 2008-05-03 ch 11,	abuseWell. I liked Jodi, quite a nice character, not too stereotypical either! I think you should have some more Leo/Maddy interaction WITHOUT Kieran popping up every five seconds. It would be interesting - but only if she grows some backbone in deciding who she likes more! Leo's definitely the devil. She IS actually having quite a bit to eat! Maybe add in a line of thought from her about a fast metabolism? Thanks for updating!
Danni 2008-05-01 ch 10, anon.	abuseomg... whoa... this is so good and drama filled... you are a genius... i love you! UPDATE! :) im still working on our many pablo saga :D
glasswindow 2008-04-30 ch 10,	abusevery good. i was sorta expecting her to pick leo. but in the end i no that keiran will do something wrong and she'll go running back to leo. cause it happens in every story. no on can stay happy forever in storys. can they?
PoorEnglishArtist 2008-04-30 ch 10,	abuseYAY! She picked Kieran! And you've still got drama going with Leo! AWEsome! I really liked this chapter - thanks for updating!
Somnium736 2008-04-26 ch 1,	abuseHello...I read your profile thingy where you said you wanted some constructive pointers on how to make your story better. (thanks for reading mine and adding it as one of your favs, btw :D ) So here goes: (its mostly tinly little details that will make it all come together, like a good sandwich...or something like that:P) - When you write: "several ideas went though my head.Say,..." instead of putting a comma after 'say' and then stating the ideas, put a colon and number them (as if she thought them in steps) "Several ideas went through my head. Say:1. "What? I didn't say anything." all innocently and dash off; 2. maybe just walk off; 3. Twist my words around and say something innocnet back. I dont know, but doing that does something to the reader that makes them go 'O!' - Istead of just calling the buly 'pug' calle her 'Pugface' its al little funnier. -Your style of writing is unique which is brilliant cos people will remember your story. Keep it up! :) - Whe you talk about her "muscley, unfeminie legs", add in a quick adjective that will give a bit of rhythm to the sentance eg: "muscly, very unfemine legs." or "exceedingly unfemine legs" - Haha, i LOVE the way you describe old Puggy being "swept away be the crowd". Very origional, i can imagine it exactly (and the readers always love things they can image in their heads, especially if the writer makes it easy, like you did) -Your dialogue is very cool. Easy to read...short and sweet. And each character has their own way of speaking (one again, i can imagine it! YAY!) -Say that the skir it startan when you introduce it the first time, and then just call it a skirt the rest of the time, other wise it creates an image in my head and then i have to change it and thats a bit strange o_O - Oh my gosh! Thats so true, when ever i went to a new school, which i did lots, the whole building looked the same and it looked enormous and was alot like a maze (but then it became quite a bit smaller as time went by) Se what you did! You wrote something i could identify with and readers LOVE that too. - ooh i mystery! why did she she move? And why wont she tell? Very...mysterious in deed. -_- - AH! Dimples! Thats so cute! no character that i've ever read of has had dipmles! thats so weird. i wonder why other ppl dont give their chracters dimples...anyway... Well, there's nothing else for this chappy. I'll read the rest later cos i have to work...boohoo. :'(
PoorEnglishArtist 2008-04-26 ch 9, anon.	abuseYeah it's me - I just haven't logged in :) Is this such a hard decision? She needs to get a grip. Kieran all the way! Honestly. Yeah, you fixed it! Yay! Now it makes much more sense. :D Go you. I still say a little more descriptions of places. You may need to slow the pace down a little to do this, but it'll work!

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