FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| McKinley Cooper 2008-04-28 ch 1,  | abuseI'm smiling--been there. Perfectly, poetically put. McKinley |
| laureola-lunes 2008-04-23 ch 1, | abuseWow... when I saw "one liner" I thought 'can't be much...' Very nice flow, it takes some pretty sneaky comma work to do that. -LL- |
| Decoris Verbum 2008-04-22 ch 1, | abuseOmigod...I didn't even realize that it was one sentence! Wow...that's skill. Or elseI'm just an idiot. Either or. |
| The.Wizard.Pen.Dragon 2008-04-22 ch 1, | abuseSeven wisdom teeth? I'm confused now. But I liked it, it just makes me fear the dentist even more! But I liked the part about her boyfriend owing her five bucks if she dies! Write on! Pen.Dragon |
| Tranquil Thorns 2008-04-22 ch 1, | abuseThis scared me a little, since I'm terrified of the dentist, but it was enjoyable to read nevertheless. I love the fact that this is one huge sentence! It all flowed very smoothly for me, and I caught no awkward breaks or pauses. (...do they really strap your arms down?) One mistake I think I caught is in 'until, that is, you mover', where I think it's supposed to be 'your' mover? Anywho, great job. (: |