|Reviews for Cursed Blood|
| Fractured Illusion 5/23/08 . chapter 1
Fight For the Freebie review! :D
"of brilliant blue flashes of lightning."
I think this line would strike me more (har har) if cut down a bit to: "of brilliant blue lightning."
Like the others, I pegged this more like "angst" instead of horror. And angst poetry isn't really up my alley. What makes me have these associations is the mention of blood, being pain and wanting to end it all. From a horror, I would expect someone to wish to end it all due to terror, perhaps, which isn't common in angst. So that is one way to incorporate the horror element a bit more.
Anyhow, I did like the imagery in the first stanza. When I really think of having sand dumped into my throat my gagging reflexes gets going. ew..
However. "that escape from my mouth" is a bit excessive. Where else would the scream come from? It doesn't feel like it adds anything to the poem.
For the first three stanzas, you have it circle around sand, almost (sand, beach, sand) but then the blood comes, and cue my dislike of the poem. However, last stanza at least ended things on a positive note for me, because it at least carried hope (most angst is never-ending dread). I liked the ecstasy part, and to live again.
I think you need to work on the horror, basically, and try to get rid of the angst-feel that hinders this piece.
And for some reason, I really can't stand the
"I beg you, hear my plea…
Rid me of this cursed blood."
I am not really sure why, and for this i am truly sorry. It does not sit well with me. The begging, and the blood, and the plea... Perhaps it was too much of the angst elements all at once, detracting from the horror.
I know you can do way better than this, so edit it, Lime! :D (and don't hate Frac :o She only means well!)
| simpleplan13 5/20/08 . chapter 1
of brilliant blue flashes of lightning... the two ofs sounded a bit awkward. Maybe of brilliant blue lightening flashes? Just a thought.
Create this world anew... period after that?
I think the rating is good. Not so sure about the categories, but I don't have a better idea... lol. As for the ending it depends, you can experience pain in ecstasy or with ecstasy... I feel like in is more like you are in ecstasy in general and with is more specific to that experience. Since in strikes me as a state of being? But that's just me.
Anyhow... I LOVE this piece. It's so powerful and the images are so beautiful and original. I don't even know what else to say. It's just really amazing.
| rassoodock 5/2/08 . chapter 1
hm..well, i'm quite picky when it comes to poetry, and this type isn't exactly my taste, but here goes nothing. for the type of poetry this is, this is well done. it's a bit cliched though, but what isn't? it's just very typical of poetry nowadays, which detracts a bit from the value. regardless, it's very descriptive and vivid, which adds appeal to it.
| Jesse the Storyteller 4/23/08 . chapter 1
This poem almost sounds like angst to me. I don't really know what you're talking about here - it doesn't seem clear, and so it's not quite "horror" in my opinion. :) If it were more clear as to what was going on I think you could evoke some horror, but the way it is it sounds like one of those gothy angst poems. Knowing it's in the "supernatural" category, though, helps me to read it in a different light.
"shove clouds of thunder over me / and strike me with deadly bolts / of brilliant blue flashes of lightning." - I think this stanza is a tad bit clunky. The idea of shoving clouds over someone is an odd one that I can't quite picture. And at first I thought you meant "Shove clods of... over me" like clods of earth... and then I read thunder and was quite confused. I think "brilliant blue flashes of lightning" is too pretty an image for the creepy picture you're painting here.
"Sand turns into molten lava" this is a really cool image to bring up right after talking about lightning, because when lightning strikes sand it melts it and instantly forms glass (which for a few moments is like molten lava). Then you quickly bring it around and turn it back into being about the person/creature again, which is an interesting twist.
I don't really understand why those two lines are in italics. I thought maybe it was because the rest was describing something and this was him speaking, but the entire poem is him speaking, so I don't understand. Also... since the ending makes it clear that he enjoys the misery of his existence, I don't understand why he's begging to be "rid... of this cursed blood".
The last line I think should be "in ecstasy" but grammar is not quite my forte either. It just sounds right that way.
"With your hands, end my mortal pain" I think would sound better being immortal since apparently he is reborn over and over again in the last stanza - and it flows better.
And (I feel like all I'm doing is criticizing - you had some good images here that I think you could make more vivid and it would be "horror" full) the line "smoldering blood char the frozen Earth" doesn't quite make sense since he's on a beach with "molten lava" sand grains ... so why is the earth frozen? XD
Anyway. :D Interesting display of "teh ebils!"