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Reviews For: Remembrances

Harmonic Discord
2008-05-24
ch 1,
abuseWow. Just ... wow. This story grabbed me from the start and sucked me in. I loved how you started at the deathbed and came full circle at the end – it really fits. The characters are beautifully sketched - you never even give their names, but I feel like I know them.

In particular, I really liked the line:
“Yes. He is good, kind, and patient with me,” she lies, as the bruises along her hips and thighs would attest to.
It tells so much using so few words.

Beautiful. I applaud you.

-- Harmonic Discord, from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
TheRealWorldIsCounterfeit
2008-04-24
ch 1,
abusethis one's pretty good (even tho i'm not into the romance thing) why don't you write a sci fi? anyway, the entire time i read it i pictured ann bolyn and king henry the VI. was that when it was supposed to take place? you got to be sick more often, seeing as how it makes you write. let's get you sicker and see if you update. i'm kidding.
Bazooka Joy
2008-04-24
ch 1,
abuseThere's nothing wrong with this. A lot of ideas we think sound better in our heads...in my case in my sleep...but yeah this was nicely written. Maybe not the best but you got the message across and it was pretty sad.
Pundit
2008-04-24
ch 1,
abuseI like it. It's tragically romantic. Makes me think of Henry VI (and Kathrine Parr, who everyone forgets... she was in love with another man too). Still, I think to really carry emotional potency, you need to flesh it out a bit. Because there's not real follow through at the end. How long has he lived since her funeral? Did he die of old age, or from something else a few weeks/months/years later? Did he marry? If so, did he love his wife? More or less than his 'lover'? Without knowing the answer to these questions, how does the reader know the extent to which her death affected him? Personally, I think it'd work out best if he ended up marrying some other woman who he loved but wasn't IN love with. But that's just me. Your story still works as it is, it's just not as emotionally charged as I think you intended it.

P.S. You're grammar and diction are spot on.
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