FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
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| Almsivi 2008-04-27 ch 1,  | abuseI had to read the first line a couple of times to understand it. The "long past float upon" felt very disjointed. I sort of have an overall idea of what the poem was about, and the last three lines were much clearer than the first three, seeing as I am clueless as to what happened in them. Because all I know for sure is that someone in the poem thinks that numbness feels like pain, I don't really feel any connection with the poem. On the other hand, I really loved the rhyme scheme. It was so subtle that I had to reread the poem to catch it, whereas some poems (*cough* MINE *cough*) are like in-your-face rhymes. Overall you did a good job; just try to be a little more direct in your meaning, and maybe read it out loud to make sure it flows the way you want it to. |