HEY! You've got 20 reviews alrady! Sweet! I knew your story would make a hit. If I liked it so much then I'm sure other's would too! Ha' Natan is my daddy!

Interesting start. I shall endeavor to review again!

So the first book is done. How do you feel? It was great right to the end, so keep up the good work!

i loved it keep up the good work! you had me reading none stop...you have the hand of a writer:)

Great! This reads a lot smoother than the original version. Vathion was in a tight spot and managed to get out of it, even if he lost crew and took damage. The bit where he fell apart after the battle was over was good, then finding out his father did the same thing was better.

Hello Aloria!

So I've read your first two chapters and part of the third. I'm quite drawn in.

There's a LOT I could say and I'm more tempted to give blunt criticism over email than in a public forum (hint-hint) but I do have about a half-dozen things I could rattle off the top of my head and elaborate at length.

That said, let me tell you some of the things I'm really enjoying. First of all I am interested in the characters, and the story. I want to know what's happening, whats going to happen next. You've already got me engaged and that's impressive. I've read lots of very good books that I only got wrapped up in after a significant investment of time.

Your writing is VERY good. There's not much I can say to elaborate on that, I'm afraid. It's not that that the writing is captivating or enjoyable or notable or anything like that - it's that it's good *reading*. It reads like "finished product" - like professional writing, like a STORY. This doesn't come across as a first effort or a rough draft. It's VERY good "craftsmanship" and much better writing than published novels I've read.

Like I said, I have other thoughts and would be happy to tear it apart bit-by-bit if you want. Email me either way :-) but I did want you to know I've been reading and enjoying it.

I am really loving the new chapters you added! They flesh out the story so much better.

I liked the restaurant scene - it showed that even though he's playing the skilled commander, he's still the shy 16 year old who never had time for socialising. The wolfadon interaction was good, and the explaination about the cafe showed a little more about how Vathion got his linguistic skills so you don't have to drop it on everyone later. Given the slightly seedy neighborhood you described, is it safe for him to leave Mirith at the restaurant by herself?

God, I HATE Ma'Gatas! He's so STUPID. I mean, c'mon, why doesn't he get with the program already? Vathion's the one in charge, for Chris' sake! But then again, if Ma'Gatas didn't get with the program, then there wouldn't be a plotline.

Anyways, sorry it took me so long to read it, but it WAS a great chapter. Keep up the good work, and update soon! :OD

I sure don't like Hiba - he's smarmy and slick and insincerity just oozes off on him. I don't understand why Vathion had to deal wih him, you might put something of his reasoning in for that.

I really liked the new chapter. Vathion sounds like he's bitten off - or been dumped with - more than he can handle, but he's trying his best to bluff his way through it. Nice!

I love how you capitalize special words like In Command, and Pictures. They just make you pay more attention to it than if you had written it in italics.

Great chapter, I was cracking up in some parts, keep up the good work, and update soon! :o)

Oh the poor girl, she's so excited to be in the same ship as Ha'Natan. Anyways, great chapter, keep up the good work, and update soon! :o)

Vathion seems to have gotten a little more respect from his crew, Gatas excepted, and now all he needs to do is figure out what he's supposed to be doing. I can't wait to see his next steps.

Nice rewrite. I saw a little bit of a difference, but its been a while since I read the original version. The action did seem tighter than what I remember. Gatas is still an ass, and I'm wondering how Vathion can afford to have him on the bridge undermining his orders. Can't wait to see the next chapter.