FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Pinkamoo 2008-04-29 ch 1,  | abuseShort, but sweet! Good job. |
| Modulated 2008-04-26 ch 1, | abuseYOU'RE a review **!? NO WAI. I'M A REVIEW **. WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON. ...Anyway. I liked this story a lot. Cincinnati's is wretched place, and you captured it's pure darkness and gloom artfully. The whole story is just very well written, in my opinion, and I'd like to see more like it. Though I didn't much care for the 'guy' character. He seemed a bit paper thin. Also, he didn't like using periods or question marks at the ends of his bits of dialog. Also,"a tall and lithe young man jogged jangling a leash AT beaming almost as brightly as his macaroni orange umbrella." I think you meant 'and'. Anyway. Easy mistakes to make, not that big a deal if you don't fix them. Still, very well done. Write more. |
| Ann Gry 2008-04-24 ch 1, | abuseI liked the progression of this story. At the beginning I thought the girl might have been homeless, but I stand corrected. She was so wrapped up in her own problems that everything around her sounded miserable. It made the man's entrance a welcome interruption. It's pretty funny. I don't think it's trash. |