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| Twilight Starr 2008-05-13 ch 8,  | abuseAh, I see what you mean by fettish. That was pretty funny. A "Doctor Who" reference; all is right in the world! I'm surprised Mary-Sue lied to get a room. I didn't picture her lying. The "he started it; no, he started it!" is an oldie, but goodie. Nice addition. ~Twilight Starr~ |
| Twilight Starr 2008-05-13 ch 7, | abuseMary-Sue's dialogue is a bit formal and cheerful, which made me laugh. Her crush on Jimmy is hilarious. The license thing to get gas was a bit weird. Jimmy getting made fun of for his looks made me feel bad. Ah, no "Doctor Who" references this time. How strange! :D Don't forget to put a disclaimer if you haven't already. I generally forget those pesky, little things. I just remembered someone else you should check out. Jack Argyle. Yes, Argyle! Anyway, he's under my favorites on my profile. Keep writing! ~Twilight Starr~ |
| SirScott 2008-05-08 ch 8, | abuseI have never watched Doctor Who, about the only British show I ever watched was Benny Hill. Mary-Sue is going to flip out when and if she finds out about Jimmy only being 13. ~SirScott |
| SirScott 2008-05-08 ch 7, | abuseNice chapter. I would have figured that the clothes would have provided Jimmy with his own license and other personal items since this experience is suppose show his future. ~SirScott |
| SirScott 2008-05-08 ch 6, | abuseNice chapter. They have everything covered, save for the town's busybody. ~SirScott |
| Nastrond 2008-05-08 ch 8, | abuseNo real issues besides the same problem I had earlier with some of the scenes and conversations. Other than that, I love the fact that Doctor Who keeps coming up, it's actually quite funny that everyone loves it but him. I want to know what happens in the "next day" of their time. |
| SirScott 2008-05-07 ch 5, | abuseThat's poetic justice that Gabe got cursed. It teaches you not to make fun of fortune tellers. ~SirScott |
| SirScott 2008-05-07 ch 4, | abuseOh, darn the watch got damaged. So it looks like he stuck ageing. I figured Gabe would do that. ~SirScott |
| SirScott 2008-05-07 ch 3, | abuseIntresting, the sideburns are cool. I just hope nothing happens to that watch. ~SirScot |
| SirScott 2008-05-07 ch 2, | abuseNice twist with the watch. I liked it. If the watch is correct he gets to live for a hundred years, which is a long life. ~SirScott |
| SirScott 2008-05-07 ch 1, | abuseOh wow, awesome story. I love circuses and fortune tellers. You used the right amount of details, which really allowed me to picture your story in my head. Now, I'll have to read on to see what his blessing is. ~SirScott |
| Nastrond 2008-05-06 ch 7, | abuseI see no problems except that sometimes your characters don't talk like normal people, they're a little too on the obvious side for my taste. Other than that, there really is no problems. Mary-sue's kind of on a fetish, isn't she? Wierd. Good job, I can't wait for the next chapter to see what the group is going to do in that town until the bridge is fixed. Update soon! |
| Twilight Starr 2008-05-04 ch 6, | abuseHis sister and his goodbyes were cute. Ms. Cankle sounded like trouble. Nice work. ~Twilight Starr~ |
| Twilight Starr 2008-05-04 ch 5, | abuseThe last remark made me laugh. Ah, he's shrinking. That's hilarious. Nice work. Have a great day. ~Twilight Starr~ |
| Nastrond 2008-05-02 ch 6, | abuseThis chater was interesting: watch the typing, you had the word now replaced with know, point with pint, and son with soon. Aslo, not to sound stupid, but how did his little sister show up at he friends house? This is a good chapter, very exciting. I think some interesting things are going to happen in the future. Update soon. |