Very good. Just a few pointers.

Is lamh mhor si literaly means she is a big hand. Agus a lamh mhor might be more correct (a is her)

Suith ar dtus, means embryo at first so first embryo would be chead suith.

These aren't big mistakes at all. Peole make these sort of mistakes a lot in their first language sono worrys

I wish I could understand Irish...I love listening to traditional Irish music. The language is so lovely to listen to.

Anyway, I love the last line of the English version: "The Earth is alive!" It's got a great magical quality to it. Nice work!

This is breathtaking.

I wish I knew Irish; it seems very beautiful.

I love the lines 'A comet falls to kiss the water' and 'Each reflected fragment of the Milky Way explodes'.