Reviews for Running - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Running

fatbird33 2008-08-20 ch 1,	abusewow this is super intesne and tragic. well written.
skibird17 2008-05-26 ch 1,	abuseThis is your first story?! You write really well! This is so sad, and I'm sure most people can relate. Your writing is very heartfelt... I really liked it! Good job
AK the Twilight 2008-05-03 ch 1,	abuseThis story is another well-written and heartfelt narrative of two lovers divided by death, and you really made the whole thing feel more real than it already is. These situations are so true and real that it was really difficult to find anything particularly obstructive by it. It was plain, but real. You have a talent at bringing out the emotion of such situation. Your sentences breathe. This was a great story and if it's any indication of your future works, FictionPress looks to have another talented writer on the way. Great job.
Sexy vampirechick 2008-05-03 ch 1,	abuseIt felt kind of weird reading it from first person point of view talking about 'me'. How you called him you..yeah..felt weird.I'd prefer he. Here are some errors: It was what I had went[wanted] to do, what I had tried to do so many times before. “What did you want to say?” You asked, and I looked up to see that he[here is where you changed pov,it should be 'you] had been crying too. “Help!” I yelled, “Is there a doctor![?]” When the doctor showed up I couldn’t help but feel that an incredible weight had been lifted off my chest[.] “He- he was doing…fine…and then…he–“ I couldn’t continue. The chokes finally escaped me, and I couldn’t get a word [in] past my tears. There word in doesn't need to be there. What I did like was how you didn't place big paragraphs but short sentences which show your panick in this situation.
x.betweenthelines 2008-05-03 ch 1,	abusereally good! way better than my first story on fictionpress! lol. =)
you know 2008-05-02 ch 1, anon.	abuseomg! dudee this is soo cute! and sad! are you in your emo phase acapella? or as you said, EMOTIONAL phase? P.S. bring me the ** tomorow. I swear to god, you forget and I kill you.
Dimethylmercury 2008-04-30 ch 1, anon.	abuseI thought the usage of the first person was well written, and the past tense gives it a 'remembering' kind of feeling(: Even though the plot is sort of cliche, I think you made it your own in a way(:
Pleione 2008-04-29 ch 1,	abuseIt's beautiful. If I were anymore sensitive than I am, I would have cried. I was a bit disappointed by the part where he died before she could complete her sentence. I feel that is a bit cliched. I hoping hoping for different finish. Good job though. It's very well written and your flow is good. The description, the tone- everything's perfect for the circumstance. 'It was what I had went to do, what I had tried to do so many times before.' I think it should be- It was what I had wanted to do.
B. J. Winters 2008-04-27 ch 1,	abuseReview game. I like the dialogue. The speaker's words are chosen well and flow naturally, it doesn't feel scripted. I did however struggle with the credibility of the piece. I think I understand that an optimistic person might delude themselves that they are not sick, but if this person looked as poorly as you say, and had gone to doctor visits before - and the narrator knew the prognosis then they would too. I'd like to see more description of the characters. I cannot picture them in my head, and don't even know the gender of the primary speaker. It left much to my imagination and I was surprised when you called the sick person "he". I would have liked to have more of your vision, rather than filling in the blanks on my own. I did however like the intent of the story - that you need to speak before it's too late. I can see how you call this complete with the very simple moral well expressed.
Dot Cubed 2008-04-26 ch 1,	abuseDepressing, but really good. I could really feel the emotions of your characters and I almost started crying myself at the end there--it was just so sad!
.o0perfectly.imperfect0o. 2008-04-26 ch 1,	abuseWow. That was deep, and moving. I loved it. It's so sad. I really liked how it was kind of written "to" the guy, in a way. Yeah. I liked it.
party4siempre 2008-04-26 ch 1,	abuseI love this!! It's so sad...kind of hits close to home right now :( Sorry, you don't have anything to do with that... ANyways. I loved it. I also really liked how you didn't mention any names. It kind of gave it the feeling. I'm on a favoriting strike so I'm favoriting this. =)

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