Reviews for Blood Shall Be Shed

Reviews For: Blood Shall Be Shed

Inkhearts and Inkstains 2008-05-15 ch 2,	abuseIt's very clever, you you had me believing Gabriela was a person until nearly the end of the second chapter. I think before introducing your 'bad guy' in the first chapter we should know a little bit more about Mona- just a suggestion, but apart from the that the dialog ran smoothly and the story follows, can;t wait to read more!
Serentochan 2008-05-13 ch 2,	abuseVery engaging and realistic. I like how the characters emotions are explored without actually writing it from veiwpoint. You create a good shroud of mystrery. As for con-crit, I would advise you to slow down your pace. A lot is going on and you might find it useful to take more time building up situations. Don't worry, almost every writer takes a while to develop a good pace. I am currently struggling with the same thing. Konstantios sounds like an interesting character, I would like to see him develop.
B. J. Winters 2008-05-08 ch 2,	abuseI like that you gave the background on Angelo here – but there may be a bit too much. I couldn’t relate him to the base story I read in chapter one until he interacted with his daughter and that was quite a ways down. It was well written, but I lost touch with the relevancy and plot in the heavy description. If you need all that detail, then I’d pepper it in personal reflection or though the dialogue. I think the characterization is good. It may sound contradictory to the above, but you’ve given the reader much of your vision so that I can see what you want – rather than filling in the blanks on my own, well guided, but not preached to. I don’t think I’d have the last paragraph. Ending this chapter this way seems rather random. Save the shift in point of view for the next page – the reader remembers the set up and I’m not sure the lurking buys you anything from a suspense standpoint. Nice suspense build up with the locket. A couple typos: Having no other alternative, Angelo was forced to drop out of school and work to support his family. He found jobs in the larger comunes, warehousesand factories with deplorable conditions {needs a space} Luigi had saw something in Angelo, ambition...fire, the drive to succeed and better ones self...by any means {remove the “had” or replace “saw” with seen} …but he could see the look of shame in his mothers eyes {needs to be mother’s}
B. J. Winters 2008-05-03 ch 1,	abuseI like how this begins. The dialogue - stripped of qualifiers - flows well. Even without the he said/she said it was clear who was who and the objective. Nice set up. It does however seem inconsistent: "We talked about how Gabriela can be a 'negative influence' on you.”... My initial impression was that she had not "openned up" -- meaning they sat and stared at each other. This seems to imply that actually had some therapy sessions. You use dialogue effectively to set up the second segment. A little slang, not too much. I'm not sure I'd have the slapping of the knee and laughing of Tony - seemed a bit over the top - but its a style thing. I'm more subtle, perhaps leaning towards having him think things, rather than physically act them out - or perhaps "smile weakly and nod". Prediction: Dutifull son needs to take out silent girl because she knows too much. I'm hoping for more depth - maybe a relationship twist -- but time will tell. Nice start - keep writing
Asherah Seirei 2008-05-03 ch 1,	abuseI hope you continue with this. I was a bit confused, but that was probably just because I'm slow. ^^ Ah, I love Italian. How pretty. The beginning definitely captures my attention, and the fast pacing coupled with the unique style--it seems to flow. V nice. I hope more comes out of this. Oh yah, and I love the 'guy joke.' XD
AlphaNess 2008-05-02 ch 1,	abuseI liked this, though it captures attention during the first chapter, I definetly think you should continue this into a series and add more chapters. I might read them. I liked the italian names and stuff, I find italian a beautiful language though I'm studying Japanese, my self. They are italian names right? If not, I'm just stupid. Though I don't understand why you put 'Tony' like that with this "'". Unless it's going to have significant meaning in the future chapters I suggest putting it as Tony, normally. Any way it's interesting and while it doesn't compell me to read on, it certainly does make me wonder. Keep up the good work.

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