FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| simpleplan13 2008-05-24 ch 1,  | abuseI'm never a big fan of italicizing a whole piece, it doesn't serve a purpose in my opinion. I like the descriptions, especially the part about the flower. they are really beautiful. I also like how the piece flows really well when you read it aloud. The rhyming is also perfect. PS If you're bored today check out the Review Game's Review Marathon (link in my profile) |
| SEMMU 2008-05-05 ch 1, | abuseVery beautiful. I love anything that's Whittmanish. Few suggestions, I'd revise some commas and maybe consider stanzas. For example, "Standing within the forest green down where no path had led, where no feet had come between and stirred the grasses’ lovely bed. Reach up and stroke the blossoms, pink |
| writes between the lines 2008-05-04 ch 1, | abusei'm not big on rhyming, i think there are stronger ways to make words mesh. but this is beautiful! the rhyme is not obvious or irritation, but absolutely perfect and fitting. i used to live in a place surrounded by places like this and it just brings me back home. amazing. |