 simpleplan13 2008-05-24 . chapter 1I'm never a big fan of italicizing a whole piece, it doesn't serve a purpose in my opinion.
I like the descriptions, especially the part about the flower. they are really beautiful. I also like how the piece flows really well when you read it aloud. The rhyming is also perfect.
PS If you're bored today check out the Review Game's Review Marathon (link in my profile) |
 SEMMU 2008-05-05 . chapter 1Very beautiful. I love anything that's Whittmanish.
Few suggestions, I'd revise some commas and maybe consider stanzas.
For example,
"Standing within the forest green
down where no path had led,
where no feet had come between
and stirred the grasses’ lovely bed.
Reach up and stroke the blossoms, pink |