Interesting voice in this one. I haven't read any of your other work yet so I'm not sure if that's something you normally do. It's a bit too detached at the conclusion for my taste. Poetry is about feeling, and even emotionless lines should demonstrate some strong sense.

One line in particular is bothering me: "For the melancholy truth that swims in your muddy eyes are beginning to swoon me"

First, I'm pretty sure you can't swoon someone. Swooning is something you do all on your own. Also, I believe you are saying that the truth is 'swooning you,' but you said "are beginning to." That's plural, which "truth" is not.

Overall I prefer a little tighter rhythm in my poetry. You may wish to play with shortening some lines (perhaps by splitting the existing ones) to get a nicer flow.

Again though, I do enjoy the voice in all but the end, and you have some nice phrases and imagery. Ex, I like the line "I find myself pleasantly asking God to please turn off the lights."

Thanks for your review of my work. Hope this helps. :)

-Rotem

the stuff with the night makes this mysterious and magical.

Very Nice and Quite intresting... I like it...

Oh my goodness! I love it!!
I really enjoy reading romance poems and this one is just great!

Is it my imagination, or is everything you write really depressing?