Reviews for The Chop - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: The Chop

giRLAddiCted 2008-08-29 ch 1,	abuseLol... Killed by a pork chop. Famous. Should be a movie.
XxblackwingsxX 2008-07-11 ch 1,	abuseWoah!! Great story! It was also well written!
SerialXLain 2008-07-08 ch 1,	abuseWhoa, cool. I really liked how you revealed things slowly. First I thought they were almost-strangers in a public place, but then the talk of his hands touching her = lovers, and then husband. Neat. I also like how it built up to end bluntly with those last three words. :) And now a few little things I'm going to pick at... The first sentence. "It was like choking off of water." So was he choking ON water? Because that'd roll and a lot more smoothly and just sound better. And then the end of the next sentence... "he wanted to grab it at in order to relieve the tension." I think you just accidentally switched around it and at. But the three short words just sound very choppy...so I'd consider just tossing out "in order." Then finally... This sentence "beating he could lash out but was unable to." I didn't get it at first. It gets kind of long and stumble-y. Maybe if you reworded it, or even just added like..."give" to the end it’d sound a bit better. Once again: cool story. :D xo Lain from RK
SirScott 2008-06-01 ch 1,	abuseThe real lesson to be gained here is chew your food before you swallow it. ~SirScott
Roman C Lee 2008-05-11 ch 1,	abuseWOOT! Ha, that was awesome! He chked on a pork chop! That abusive bastard! Well this was extreamly well written and it sucked me in, just like all your peices do. You realy are gifted in that aspect. I consider it to be the most important aspect of writing: the ability to ensnare the reader. It's fantastic! I love her vindictave personality, how she really wishes death upon him, and relishes watching his choke to death. The way your peoces end are just perfect. A lot of writers can't end a story well, but you do it better than I've ever read before. great job!
Mosaic Stains 2008-05-04 ch 1,	abuseHow ironic he would die that way-- lol. After ten years of ploting to escape and one pork chop did what she would have liked and saved her from having to escape. God, that's funny... You know what else is ironic about that is I have a client who actually was transferred to our facility because he choked off of a pork chop and was in the hospital. That's got me laughing all over again. Another comical thing is that I could actually image her standing by his side while he choked off of the pork chop, a soft smile of contentment pasted on her face... How comically evil... and entertaining. Neat short... literally. ~Mosaic
wolfblood82 2008-05-02 ch 1,	abuseWell, glad to see you back here again. :) Anyway, interesting piece of work here. I think it's going like some kind of revenge against family violence. Anyway, I like the way you portray the story. It really draws the reader in. Anyway, good job here. One thing that I'm getting question marks here is the ending of this story. I think you're trying to portray the means of revenge, but from the way I'm seeing it, it's like wtf. To be honest, I don't know what it means within the story itself. Actually, I think that it will be better if you did the process of revenge within the story instead of going through it in a few words. At least that will give the reader a clear idea on what is going on here.

Return to Top