FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| xxvisionaryxx 2008-06-08 ch 1,  | abuseWow. That is one great angst piece. I love how you have this guy just standing on stage, frozen. Everything about this is so sad. So very, very sad. Your writing's great. Seriously. How did you do that. The description of the crowd, the uniformed waves. Wowe. Very nice. The opening was good too. It was a nice hook. The last line, beautiful, touching, but I think there's a typo. “Like a perfect circle rarely seen, you were the that commanded my dreams.” Should it be the one that? Or is it supposed to be that way and I'm just being dumb? Anyway, great work. |