FictionPress.com
- let the words flow
Home
Just In
Communities
Forums
Beta Readers
Dictionary
Search
Login
Register
Extras
Browse »
Fiction
.
Poetry
Just In »
All
.
New Stories
.
New Chapters
Communities »
General
.
Fiction
.
Poetry
Forums »
General
.
Fiction
.
Poetry
Browse for
Beta Readers
Dictionary »
Search »
Author
Story
Story by Title
Story by Summary
Extras »
Ad Blocker
.
Support
.
Privacy
.
TOS
Reviews For:
Sparrow
Reviews of all chapters
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Fairybrat
2008-05-03
ch 1,
abuse
I like it so far- my one comment is instead of using 'be' for names, for the guard and Sari, you could use 'My name is --" or "I am --". It looks better and flows better.
Return to Top