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| Abby 2008-05-09 ch 1, anon. | abuseAna, Really really enjoyable story. I loved the familial relationships. They felt very realistic and developed even in the short amount of time the story took to read. Sara interests me, because I've rarely ever read about a character who naturally prefers being at home, reading––a loner––and doesn't also have some huge social problem. If you want to continue the story, I would look forward to reading more. If you like suggestions... -The relationship between Lynn and Sara is all from Lynn's point of view, and I'm really curious to see how Sara feels about Lynn. It would sort of shock me if Sara went from being an introvert to in-love. --4:37: You say "lent forward", do you mean "lean forward"? -–In the department store: "her gaze from hers", do you mean "her gaze from his"? ––Do you think maybe the beginning description of Xavier has too m any adjectives packed in? Could his physicality be told to us more gradually? col |
| dear sunday 2008-05-05 ch 1,  | abuse;sdfjsgfsa/ WHY WAS I NOT NOTIFIED ABOUT THIS? for all this time, i thought you were on my author alert list baaw. ["Mark smiled ruefully, shaking his head as he watched his sister walk away to change into her costume."] I SPAZZED. like, there was flailing involved. & i nearly fell of my chair goddamn. ["Taking Sara’s hand, she pushed them towards the door."] AW. ["After asking Sara’s address, Leora drove efficiently straight to her door."] i think that should be lynn, little missy. ["“I will,” Lynn murmured, watching her walk up the driveway. “I will.”"] what was i watching where the exact same thing happened & omg it was creepy as fuck but i laughed so hard. i don't even care how self-centered he is--i'd still do xavier. |
| McScribble 2008-05-05 ch 1, | abuseWait... Leora was Mark's sister? Honestly, sounds like incest. >_ |