The repetition of certain words added so much to urgency that pulsated through the piece even as life was beginning to slip away.

Did you mean to repeat the first line, or was it just the FP formatting? (Gosh, that's so annoying.) If it was intentional, I didn't really like it; it felt repetitive.

I did like the rhythm to this, though. It was nice.

it's kinda romantic, it seems you fell for a girl and you see her like a goddess, I guess.

Beautiful. I loved the imagery.

Oh, I like this one a lot. The metaphors are great; very original. Your work is unique, and that's not something you see that often. I like how you took the emotion of love and made it something that people haven't seen before. Nice job.

*high five*

I'd love it if you would check out more of my writing - I would like to see what you think.

Nice poem, I liked it.

I really got the feeling that you were drowning at the beginning, and your imagery helped carry that through as the poem went along. I liked that it ends on a happy note, though, it gives it a finished sense. The breaking up of your lines also helped it flow.

Great :)

i like it. It's deep but has a point to it that's what makes them good. I hope you keep writing