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| Bleeding White Lily 2008-05-08 ch 1,  | abuseSorry it took me awhile to get to this. :) But I finally found time in my so-it-appears busy schedule to read this. ;) Since it's so short there's not much to say but I'll still say some things. When I read Mary I automatically thought 'Bloody Mary' but then remembered this isn't a horror or anything, lol. I'm going to do a horror story about a life sized doll, it's going to be sweet. ^-^ Blonds aren't always dumb, I know this really smart blond freshman. Sadly she's the smartest one in our Geometry class. lol. Ha ha! Mary's so clueless! Cute! Nicely done brit babe. ;) |
| Princess Dargon 2008-05-06 ch 1, | abuseHmm... good start... You are missing end quotation marks at the end of the 4th line from the bottem and it actually threw me off for a second(which only goes to show my talent). I would have liked to see more fighting, bickering and maybe some full out punches, that would have really gotten a fight going and would have made the piece funnier, but it was great the way it is. I really enjoyed this story, I think you should think of a large scale plot and continue it. Good work! |