FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Breeze1107 2008-05-06 ch 1,  | abuseI do and did like the theme of your story. I have to admit though I have few suggestions. 1. Space it out! Its much easier to read spaced out and looks more pro. 2.Spell things out. You have a few abbreviations, just spell them out. (Numbers included) Some people like things abreviated, but most don't 3.Slow down. Make things happen slower in the beginning, it seemed a little rushed. Allow time for describtions and explantions! Other than that I like your story! And look forward to reading more! |