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| Jainblu 2008-05-08 ch 2,  | abuseHello. I like the story line here. I do have some pointers though. i know it is just the prologue and such... but it is quite confusing. I don't want to sound harsh, I hope I'm being helpful, for example this whole bit sounds kind of jumbled. "Sure, I had a crush on him… but that was when I was thirteen and confused and more understanding then what I am now… but all my nice thoughts and likings " you can't say "than what I am now", It's not very clear what you mean. Does the character mean that now she understands that she was merely a confused 13 year old, or does she mean that she was a more understanding person at the age of 13? "Mr Know -It-All" should be in italics or at least speech marks are 'quotation marks'. I hope you don't think I'm being like picky, i'm really just trying to help, really I think you have a lot of potential, maybe you should just put a bit more time into the work. An important thing to remember is to pay attention to detail . :) Good luck. Xx xX X x |