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| Persecuted Angel 2008-07-12 ch 6,  | abuseWow. You sure like names with K in them. Hard to remember them that way. Kuiko's lying, isn't he? A lot less grammatical errors in this chapter. Good job! Dun, dun, dun! ^_^ |
| Persecuted Angel 2008-07-06 ch 5, | abuseJoey led the way out of the school and on to the street while Jason, Sora, and Tyler stumbled around awkwardly behind them. ? B people waling What are B people? what's a waling? No one paid! LOL. Please proofread your work before you post it. Or, at least have someone look it over for mistakes. When describing Kika, you started calling the demon, "it", but then "she." You need to be consistent. Please make sure you use the correct word. viscous-Having relatively high resistance to flow. I think you meant vicious. Why does this sound suspiciously like "Inu Yasha?" |
| Persecuted Angel 2008-05-20 ch 4, | abuseWhy can't you proofread your stuff before you post it? Most of your mistakes are obvious. So, she's going to school in skin tight clothes? She'll fit in with the wrong crowd. No wonder Jason thought she was hot, she's not wearing anything! What do you mean "Always talking about"? Didn't they met yesterday? So, when is she jumping into the school year? The beginning, end, or middle? Prancing students! ^_^ YAY! Mr. Putman sounds like a fun teacher, but must be disorganized. Randomly placed desks? "Joanna,” Putman snapped. “Complete and total shut up, please! Thank you!” That's so funny! LOL. Joey's overly hyper, isn't she? |
| Elekti 2008-05-10 ch 1, | abuseooh, awesome story. I can't wait to read more. the whole half demon becoming human is cool, but I'd like to know more about the tech guy and why he seems to accept Sora as a half demon. |
| Persecuted Angel 2008-05-08 ch 3, | abuseLook at that! They're flirting! Aww! Uh... I think you meant waist instead of waste. leaped off Sora’s waste with tremendous power Please re-read and edit your stories before you post them. So the fox, is she part fox demon? Defiant eyes! woot! What's with the fox and wolf? I agree with Kuiko! there's something wrong with tyler! You're not going to tell us what she grazed her finger with? What did she disable? I thought she was at a lake... where did the salt air come from? |
| Persecuted Angel 2008-05-08 ch 2, | abuseWhat's a waling. Not very deep writing; seems shallow. Characters could be a bit more solid. You need to build more emotion from your characters. Let your audience feel what Sora feel. why was she afraid of the hill? Tell your readers. You seriously need to watch for grammar mistakes. I love the cause and effect scene. Absolutely love it! Please re-read this story before you post it. I can't understand what happened from the grammar: He slowly brought his hand, so Sora brought her up and rubbed it. Who's her? what is she rubbing? I love Tyler's thinking process! |
| Persecuted Angel 2008-05-07 ch 1, | abuseLovely. Just remember to re-read your chapters before you post them. I found one or two mistakes that could have been caught that way. |