FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| Reflex 2008-05-07 ch 1,  | abusePretty good first chapter, but I spot a few things that can be revised. When the mother begins to cry after hearing the water bill remark from the main character, she immediately becomes sad. Maybe you can build some emotion before having the mom feel depressed? Like, describe a little more bit about it. Also, some of the other characters' dialogue seem arubt. You can work on that more. :) Other than that, it looks promising. Hope to see more! |