FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Undead Serenade 2008-06-10 ch 1,  | abuseI like this, but it's also kind of strange. I've never thought about spring as a mating season. The poem isn't perfect and the imagery changes from vague to a specific person and it's a bit off-setting, but I really like the beginning. I'm not sure if the tense into first person is best. |
| miscellanea 2008-05-14 ch 1, | abuseFlow: Although this is written as if somebody was talking, your meter could use some work; re-read it out loud and make sure the lines sort of 'grow' into eachother. Technical: Good, no spelling errors (no capitalization on February, however I'm not sure if that was intended or not.) Stanzas: Your stanzas made the connection between spring/nature and the speakers love life really well. Images: I liked how you describe people with the word 'twitterpated' Word Choice: Excellent: 'Mating season in the school yard' that was definitely cool. I think you really captured the feeling you get when all the flowers have bloomed. Enjoyment: Good read, you're very talented. Poetic Devices: Like I said, great job connecting Spring and Human Nature Subject: I enjoyed your concept very much, how you're a seed who is lost when all the other flowers are blooming. Also how the narrator talks to his/her loved one. Other: Great job, keep writing. Best Wishes, Miscellanea |
| creepy kiss on tuesday 2008-05-10 ch 1, | abuseIs that a real word, twitterpated? I remember it from Bambi =]. I love this one too. |
| Sexy vampirechick 2008-05-10 ch 1, | abuseI like how you conveyed Springtime in your poem.Your choice of words were fascinating. I sensed that the two stanzas that you italized were said in a different tone of voice,which brings a much more vivid picture to mind. Very nice! |