Brilliant. Simply brilliant.

Beautiful. The third, fifth, sixth and seventh group of lines really got to me. Good job.

I love how you describe her crying in the first too lines because it's very original, which is hard since crying is discussed a lot in poetry.

I like the format with the parenthesis... those fit well and the descriptions of Father Time were really nice.

PS If youre bored today check out the Review Game's Review Marathon (link in my profile)

makes me think of persephone.

yet much more modern

Excellent choice of words, makes this piece have great flow and imagery. Keep it Up!