"...who was screaming like they were getting disemboweled?" - "being" would fit better than "getting", I'm thinking

"She blinked and let her retinas adjust..." - "eyes" is more natural a noun than "retinas"; also, in that case, "irises" would make more scientific sense

"...she was just trapped in the claustrophobic little box..." - the box can't be claustrophobic itself - it can inspire claustrophobia, however

"'Off all the stupid things,' Okeena growled..." - of

So he IS still alive. I thought he died at the end of the last chapter. Can't say I'm disappointed though - great character.

At any rate, keep this up. I really like this one - even better than "Hunter".

Okay this is a really good story so far. I've read some of your other work and I was wondering if you were going to continue with Breathe. I know you had Jimena and Jesse in Taking Over but you didn't really have much backround. Love your stories anyway,

Arupa

aw poor Jack (btw I love that name, the guy i like has that name *swon*) anyways, i like the theme of the story, and you left interesting cliff hangers. I think that you have a good writing style, i hope you update soon.

-M.I.

First of all, I have to say that your lack of reviews is apalling. I've never failed to be impressed by what you've written, so apparently everyone else is missing out.

Okay.

"...it wasn’t a good idea to bra anymore..." - didn't know women's underwear was a verb... ha ha

"“Jack looked up from his own stewing and shrugged..." - random quotes at the beginning of the sentence

Great cliffhanger ending, there. I was trying to think just where these two would go together...

Good chapter, although some of it was a little confusing. I like this story a lot; in a way, it kind of reminds me of your other one - Hunter.

Nice work.

"They might’ve looked human, but that didn’t mean that they were anything like a human." - singular/plural tense issue, plus the contraction "might've" is out of place; just write "might have"

"Instead, she was out here. Out in the vast expanse of what she liked to call outer space. Too bad that’d never catch on. The Havanus just called it Otra; the Other Place." - beautiful writing; don't change a thing ever.

"She hummed to herself sometimes, because Havanu’s hadn’t invented music yet either." - interesting concept; it seems to me that culture and race are defined not only by physical characteristics, but also by their music

"The biggest physical difference between a Human and a Havanu was that one head only grey skin..." - the typo makes this sentence extraordinarily awkward, and almost made me thing that these aliens have two heads

A B-52? As in the WWII bomber? The "Flying Fortress"?

Excellent writing - amazing. The universe is great.

"Now all she thought about was the survival of her." - uh, that's a very odd way to put it.

It's gonna get edgy, eh? Good stuff, and great writing.

Nice writing as usual, although I've got no sense of setting. Characters on white paper, basically.

However, the idea you're selling is great - I can't wait to see where you take this one.