FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Twilight Starr 2008-07-01 ch 1,  | abuseGreat poem. I love the title. Nice work. Keep writing! Good luck with poetry and life. Have a lovely day and a wonderful summer. ~Twilight Starr~ |
| Nemonus 2008-05-10 ch 1, | abuseI really like the way the two worlds sortf of blend at the end as the author dreams, and your descriptions were pretty, "Feathers stroke in time/With the breathing/Of the human-bird" especially really made me see that scene. However, there are some lines I'd change: "She looks up from/The paper she was/Working on with/No stop and barely/No thought" was a bit too prose-y and therefor choppy: consider taking words out of lines of poetry that could also be sentences. The above lines could be 'she looks up from/working with no stop and barely/no thought'. (It'd be better as "barely any thought", also.) I think your control over words needs some work, but this has potential and it was, as I said, a pretty scene. |