FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Jennifer 2008-05-08 ch 1,  | abuseWow. My name is Jennifer!! Lol. anyways. I really love this. The imagery is something that I only dream of creating and the rhymes, well...i couldn't rhyme if my life depended on it. I admire anybody who can rhyme. I really love the plot. So the art came to life, tied Jennifer up, then erased her, then went back to the paper? Is that it? I think so. It's very good. But why would the art kill her? The only problem i see with it is the line: -With just one blow, the girl went black.- I understand that you were trying to convey that her world went black, her vision went black, but the way you frased it, just didn't sound right to me. Other than that, i love it. -Jennifer. (adds to favs) |