FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| xxvisionaryxx 2008-05-09 ch 1,  | abuseThat was great! I like how you built up the dramatic situation by slowly but surely revealing information, it kept me hanging off your every word. This was a really good thriller piece, so I only have one criticism and it's really tiny. 'felt the bitter breeze scuffle past' I don't really like the use of scuffle there, because I'm used to thinking of a scuffle as a little fight, perhaps it could be replaced with scuffle? That said though,I liked the way that you described everything here. It was the perfect balance between simple and overly complicated. Really nice. |