FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| AK the Twilight 2008-05-09 ch 1,  | abuseRather haunting, I'd say. This is great as a prologue, but you still to make the sentence structure a little more diverse. I hate to pick out these mechanics problems because the story is so rich and full of imagery, but the whole "subject predicate" sentence structure is distracting and makes the whole story sound simpler than it tries to be. Other than the sentence structure static, this prologue makes the story look great. Good luck with it; I'm eager to see how it turns out. |