FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Synecdoche 2008-07-01 ch 1,  | abuseHm, I think what I like best sbout your poetry is the way it flows. It's just so steady. And that's why I enjoyed this poem. It talks about things that so many scorn if they read it in poetry, such as cutting and whatnot. But I think it works. It has a, I don't want to say whiny because it's not annoying or anything, just very strong tone to it. There are some things in this poem, however, that I really didn't think did anything for me. But of course I know that you know that these are just /my/ opinions and you shouldn't change anything you don't want to because it's your work. "and i want to wake up in a bed like a seashell," - I'm not sure I like the whole seashell simile here. It seems to me more decorative than anything and I just think you could find a better comparison. But again, just me. Overall, well done. |
| between the lyrics 2008-05-09 ch 1, | abusewow. that was a wonderful, wonderful piece. i read it and then read it again and i was still completely mesmerized by the words. i loved the flow and the words you used; you made it seem so... enchanting, that it makes ME want to be venus. lol. great job! it's definitely a favorite. |