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| BloodStainedPetals 2008-06-12 ch 11,  | abuseWow! Great story! I love it! It avoids alot of vampire cliches. Like the whole idea of burning in the sunlight or of not seeing their own reflection. You added lots of extra details and explantations at the meetings that helped. I'm mainly confused with the whole schooling system. Are all the underclassmen NVs? Are there some NV upperclassmen? Is it just too much of a coincidence that Mali and her friends from Chicago are ALL vampires? The first chapters are confusing too. Not just the continuing change in point of view, but also how so many things and people are mentioned all at once. I was confused as to what this character mentioned or how this character looked. I lastly need to know, what is the extent of their usage of spells? There are several Harry Potter references. How come the students don't use spells to help them. It's been eleven chapters, and I've only seen three spells performed. (I think.) If they aren't that neccessary to the plot, I suggest you remove it from the story. Overall: the plot is superp, but it lacks clarity. Grade: B+ |
| De Fluffe 2008-06-10 ch 1, | abuseI don't want to be annoying, and I don't mean to offend. Honestly, I haven't read all of it...yet (so if I'm wrong, ignore me). But I just have to ask, did you start the story as first person Mali, then change it to third person but forgot to fix up some parts? Or is the narrator another person outside of Mali, Kylie and so forth? Just wondering I'll continue reading now. Very good concept. |
| lostlotus 2008-05-15 ch 10, | abuseGreat Story |
| Lin Barkow 2008-05-14 ch 10, | abuseOk I love like all of your stories and this one is becoming a favorite of mine! Keep up the good writing! |
| NotABanana 2008-05-10 ch 9, | abuseI'm kind of lost... I thought that she knew Aiden already, cuz he talks to her in the first chapter. It's pretty well written, but some clarification and explanation would be much appreciated. Another recommendation - you put way too much emphasis on the brand names. It gets tedious. Update soon -NotABanana |