FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Chip Douglas 2008-05-10 ch 1,  | abuseIt's so refreshingly pleasant! While "Scrawny Anne" and "the Game" have had a much darker tone about them, this one is heartwarming. Like I said, that can be refreshing sometimes. Two points you really need to look out for. Don't stray too far from cookies. The two phrases talking about Harold's job, for instance, could be condensed to something like "Harold is a _, _ [any adjectives, 'lonely,' 'unpopular'] tax collector" - then you can get straight to the cookie encounter without dwelling too much on what it means to work for the IRS. Also be careful with repetition [I'm so hypocritical ;)]. Phrases like "That's all people want: someone who accepts them for who they are" are already understood in the context, and probably should be left out. I hope to hear it on the radio some day! My sister is a producer at NPR, and this is actually rather reminiscent of some of the pieces she's aired. |