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| readyforpeace 2008-08-20 ch 1,  | abuseI really like this one. The last two stanzas flow especially well. I also like how it has a good balance between childish comfort phrases and maturity. I would like it if there was more of a pattern with your fist lines of each stanza but its great the way it is. |
| first-casualty-of-war 2008-06-14 ch 1, | abuseCool, so i loved the personification of love in this, and the repetition of the first line: "Love remembers" the only change i would make is in the third to last stanza. it didn't seem to make sense to me the first time i read it, and im not sure if im interpreting it right now. if you mean man forgets to admit that his strength lies in love from a mother, i'd change the syntax a little... "But man forgets- he forgets to share where his strength comes from" that's really all i can say about this- i definitely enjoyed it. take care =) |
| simpleplan13 2008-05-20 ch 1, | abuseis a desire to stand strong,/a desire nurtured by/love... the repetition didn't seem to serve a purpose. Maybe a desire to stand strong/is nurtured by/love. bluest days... bluest is kinda cliche laughs she carefully/gave for free... to me this sounded like was careful to give them for free, which is odd. Maybe "lessons and laughs/carefully chosen/and free" acknowledge he'd/held tightly on to... he'd held sounds odd. Why not just he held and also onto is one word I like this piece. I really like the stanza about marching that was interesting. The whole thing was very sweet and very true. The repetition in the format is nicely done as well. |
| XxXKristie marieXxX 2008-05-15 ch 1, | abuseAww this is so sweet. Love the poem nice job! xKristie Mariex |
| fatbird33 2008-05-11 ch 1, | abuseaw this is so sweet. |
| Tranquil Thorns 2008-05-11 ch 1, | abuseA beautiful poem. I loved the stanzas with 'and then a kiss/on scraped knees' and 'Love remembers/perching on her hip'. It paints such a loving, comforting picture of childhood and motherhood. The ending is sad, but very true. |