FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Anaare 2008-07-27 ch 1,  | abuseA beautiful piece of work, full of yearning and hopes. You always have this natural rhythm to your work that is highly effective. The first stanza is immediately the best piece of the poem, drawing you in almost instantly. As I've not heard much from you lately, it's a pleasure to read new work once again. I do hope you're allright and that you do not stay away too long. With regards, Anaare |
| Moondog Dozier 2008-05-13 ch 1, | abuseI like the loosely knit structure of this. The way that it quickly attacks the situation in bursts to keep the reader interested, and fluidly moving down the page. I especially liked the stanza, "straddling the road,-arms branching towards a hidden sun-as you call for me". It is the simplicity of wording and thought that makes the picture of this stanza seem so universal in the readers view. You've done well here with the specifics of generality. Meaning that you've given enough focused detail to provide the reader with the imagery, without overburdening her or him with qualifiers(people's names, direct scene pronouncement, and personalized emotion). This is a difficult thing to achieve. A tightrope really. The balance between just enough detail and not too much sensory overload of non-universal non-identifiers that the reader feels detached from the situation. The subtle rhyming also enhances the pace well, as it gelatinizes(is that a real word?) the entire construction. Very identifiable. Great write. MD:77. |
| A.F Lanley 2008-05-12 ch 1, | abuseThough there could have been more emotion and some better punctuation, your words sing me a cryptic song that I understand just enough to know that I like it. Je l'aime. |