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Reviews For: Beware of what you wish for

Jesusfreak43091
2008-05-27
ch 1,
abusewow...i feel sorry for the wife, but at the same time i feel pity for her, because she doesn't do anything about her husband abusing her. "..but the scars can never be removed and will always be stored as a memory of my past life." thats my favorite line because it's so true! no matter what happens in life, your scars will never go away, you'll always have those memories. though i liked the story, i think that you should go back and fix certain words that are misspelled. for example, in this sentence: "When I opened them I saw a fist coming my way, I tried to duck, but he other hand kept my head in a steady position." 'he' should be 'the' small things like that, that a spell checker won't catch. overall, i liked it =] good job!
simpleplan13
2008-05-24
ch 1,
abuseHe turned around and his eyes stared down into mines... mine
They had to prey my hands off of him. .. pry

I know why you italicized the middle, but maybe separating it with x or something would be better. This piece was not what I expected when I read the title, but I liked that. I also liked the descriptions of his eyes, that was powerful. Very sad piece, but well done and powerful.

PS If youre bored this weekend check out the Review Game's Review Marathon (link in my profile)
CosmicalMadison
2008-05-23
ch 1,
abuseThis is very good. Your description is very vivid - it's almost painful to read. The only think I can nitpick is in the last paragraph it sounds a bit repetitive when you say "dead corpse".

Also, you might want to increase the rating. It seems a bit violent for a K.

Otherwise, good job!

~CM
Mercyette
2008-05-18
ch 1,
abuseHmm, you hit on a unfortuante but all to true subject here with the domestic abuse. Imlove the detail you put into the flashback. I could vividly see everything that was happening. The only think I had a quibble about it that Nick seemed to die all of a sudden. I figured if he was so violent and strong, he wouldn't die by glass. Other than that, though, I think you did a great job here, despite the sad subject. Keep it up!
Tawny Owl
2008-05-17
ch 1,
abuseI liked the way you described what was happening this, because you kept it to the point,a nd it was easy to follow.
There were a couple of mistakes ‘Mines’ should be mine and ‘ he’s eyes’ should be his eyes. They did break up the flow a bit.
I did enjoy reading it though. You made me feel sorry for her by the end, which I didn’t expect to. I think because she did love him, despite how he treated her, and that she was afraid of being on her own.
OceanLeviathan
2008-05-16
ch 1,
abuseA nice one shot. You've chosen a difficult topic to do realistically but you've really pulled it off well. The way you've written it is really quite emotive, it really made me feel sorry for her especially when Nick died.

The way you described Nick personality suddenly changing made me think that it could have possibly had some form of disorder (bipolar perhaps?) and that made it easier to believe the girl's thoughts of 'I'll put up with it, it's not his fault'.

Overall, a very strong piece of work. (Just a note, you may want to change the rating of it ^^).
Willy Boy
2008-05-15
ch 1,
abuseMost of your stories are quite interesting, i like this piece also
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