FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| DisturbedKittenWriter 2008-05-16 ch 1,  | abuseThis is much better than your story from freshmen year. I love to see how you have improved! I still think you have some issues with repetition, though. This story is interesting, but I have no idea where it's going! I know this is a description piece, but it lacks a little of the sparkle I have come to expect from you. I would add more to this. It has the potential to become a great story! Oh, and by the way 'Great and Dreadful Maugmet!' sounds funny. Most people don't say 'great and dreadful' together. 'Great and Powerful' or just 'evil' sounds much better. |