FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Farla 2008-05-17 ch 1,  | abuseEh, fangirl Japanese is pretty suspect in the best of times. Compounding that with little notes explaining it each time just makes it worse. Honorifics are understandable, stuff like niisan is not, especially not when outside of dialogue you're referring to them as brothers. It comes off as badly translated rather than adding anything. (You've also got some minor mistakes there - "your" is the possessive form, "you're" means "you are".) The story itself is very nicely written and paced, but it keeps tripping over itself to hammer in that it's Japanese, and it ends up distracting from what's happening. |