o.O

i had an imaginary friend named jade. now thats my pen name...

anyways, i think you have a good writing style but

in the paragraph where you introduce jade, and then the narrator talks at the end confused me. at first i thought jade was talking, but that might be cause long paragraphs overwhelm me so i sort if skim them.

so all in all, good short story. your descriptions are definitely your strength.

Wow, it's very...*bites lip* Very...(it's a good sort of very, in case you're wondering. My brain's just fallen apart right now so words aren't coming out) grotesque is the only word I can come up with, the way he is so messed up beyond belief... It was good, if disturbing. Twisted - that's the word. :P

It's riveting. It's such a brief moment put in a time capsule. I wish I could describe people and feeling the way you do.

Experiment...just don't stop writing.

McKinley

Wow. This is really scary, but really sad and touching. Besides all the typos, I think it's excellent. Nice job!

xoxo, The Astronaut

I have to say that i agree with everyone else. The images in this piece are so blunt and real that i feel as though the scene is unfolding right infront of me. I felt for these two characters and sympathized with them. There was also a degree of bitter honesty which i liked very much.

Great job for a short piece!

Keep it up.

I liked this. The imagery was good. Sometimes you used your instead of you're though, so watch out for that. Keep it up, this is a good piece.

Faith

I love this. You put so much PASSION and desire into it. I can feel your emotions. way to go!

wow. this was really sad and romantic in a strange way...haha. Great job. I like this experimental piece.