Interesting start, though I thought the beginning could use a little explaining. It went by very fast. I think it needs a little more description. You've got the right idea, though!

Interesting beginning. Pretty good, except for these:

1. You need to remember to put punctuation at the end of your dialogue.

2. "Luxery" should be "luxury".

3. '"Your going to think i'm crazy"' should be '"You're going to think I'm crazy"'. Remember "you're" is short for "you are" and "your" is when someone is possessing something.

4. '"Your not human . ."' should be '"You're not human . ."'

5. "Actually, i'm not sorry." should be "Actually, I'm not sorry."

Other than that, you're doing good. Keep writing!

Good luck with writing, this story, and life. Have a lovely day and a wonderful summer.

Twilight Starr

I like the narrator. Hehe.

Update soon. I really like it.

You've got a habit to not put I as a capital, other than that it rocks.

M this story is yummy. I worship the way you write.

u might like my story 'The dark Prince'