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| Daughter of the Faeries 2008-05-24 ch 1,  | abuseThe plot is very interesting so far. It will be fun to see how these two stories relate to each other. In the third paragraph and again in the eigth paragraph you use "off" instead of "of" (it should say "disposed of" and "of course"). When Alice's phone rings, you should establish that it has rung before you talk about the ringtone. You also wrote that it was "such an anything ringtone" when I believe you meant "anoying ringtone." It was always easy to understand the meaning of your sentences, but sometimes they were worded a little strangely or, as in these instances, they had the wrong word. I suggest that you just reread the chapters one more time before you post them so that you can catch these mistakes. Rereading does not work unless a day or so has passed since one wrote the chapter because one's mind fills in and corrects mistakes to what one meant originally without one noticing. The plot is fascinating so far, and I am sure you will develop it well in the coming chapters. I have a feeling that this will have a very fast-paced plot, and I suggest that you try not to move so quickly that you confuse the readers. I'm looking forward to seeing what will happen to Alice and what those boys were doing in the science buildings. Happy writing! ~Daughter of the Faeries |