Reviews for What Everyone Needs

Huntra
2008-09-20
ch 1,

Short, but sweet

criti-sized
2008-09-14
ch 1,

I know, I haven't been doing what I'm supposed to and reviewing, lol, but I'm catching up.

[What no body knew and nothing could guess was how lonely the little daisy was.] 'Nobody' would look better if it was one word.

[The weeds and grasses that surrounded her were not smart enough to hold a decent conversation, in fact most of the time they chanted the same little lines making fun of her.] Maybe change 'grasses' to grass.

[They are just jealous of me because I’m a flower, the daisy thought, but still she wished she could talk to them.] Mockery equals jealousy and stupidity. That's what my grandmother says, then again, she mocks more people than is necessary, lol.

[They were so beautiful in daisies opinion...] 'daises' should be daisy's.

[It’s rays caressed her little face and she felt stronger and better because of it. It’s gentle rays erased her loneliness, made her forget the mean weeds and grasses that surrounded her and the beautiful flowers over by the house to whom she could not speak.] 'Its' for both sentences. I really like the emotion that is expressed in these two sentences. Though they're not very long and don't give off a lot of information, they tell enough.

[The daisy did not know what to do, she hit in her little shell, closing her petals to the world.] 'hid'.

[She was born alone and she will die alone.] You changed tenses in this sentence.

[The little daisy alone stood bend without a sound.] 'bend' should be bent.

This was a really nice short. I liked the idea of it, and how at the end she didn't make friends with the flowers that she had always dreamed of meeting, but two other friends that were as secluded as her.

C.S.

Return to Top