Hey! It's been a long time, hasn't it? Well, first, I'd like to thank you for your review of 'A Dance of Claw and Steel'! It was great to hear from you again! Okay, on to your newest story. I will warn you, though, I'm pretty tired and I have to work early tomorrow so my review may not be up to par with the ones I've given before.

Let me start by saying how much your writing has improved! Your sentence structure and punctuation have grown much better in your absence from FP. There are still some issues for you to work out (spacing, overuse of commas, just to name what I see), but overall your writing is finally beginning to mature. I have to applaud you for using a first person view as your style of choice for this story. First person view is not an easy format to write in and that you have attempted it just shows how much confidence you have in your writing.

It's ashame that you didn't go a little more indepth with your characters (a minor weakness you had with your earlier writing), but I assume that the further you go into this story, the deeper the characters will get. And, as usual for you, the story holds great amounts of promise. It's a good hook that you have and it should draw readers in as it progresses.

Well, Crazy (I miss calling you Yinny!), I'm pretty impressed with the higher level of skill that you've shown in this piece. Though short, it was a good read and with a little proofreading and touching up, it can be an even better one! Don't give up or stop, just keep at it! That all that any writer can do!

See You Next Review!

Terryll Preston, still2twisted of Fictionpress fame...