I definitely see the - how did you phrase it? - your descriptive capabilities flexing, perhaps a bit too much. I love the word choice but it's a tad scrambled - cluttered, you know? There's so many adjectives and such that you don't know where to look. Too much description can be worse than too little. (This is a mantra I repeat often to one of my other writer-friends, who is guilty of it constantly) Not too shabby though - obviously a lot of talent behind it.