"with the clouds that beat/upon the shores/of ever glowing infinite/heaven" Love it. I also like the story summary line.

I love this, I really do. It's simple, sweet and I can picture the scene easily. Plus I'm blue-eyed, so I'm a little biased. ;-)

I like particularly these lines:

"on the waves of
your voice
at the break of
twilight."

Something about that rings in my head as succinct to describe the soft-spoken-ness you so often get around dusk. It brings a warm feeling to me, full of fireflies. =)

nice :)