FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Isca 2008-06-23 ch 1,  | abuseWOW! Your words seem to connect to each other in a deeper way if you look closely. It's a piece filled with sorrow and angst, and I absolutely loved it! |
| JEFFREY LOURIE 2008-06-18 ch 1, anon. | abuseI can't decide if you wanted to write a poem or lyrics to a song. There is so much strong rhythm here. Even the title has a strong staccato tempo. But the strength of the rhythm fades as the force of the ideas increases. And then, when I read the word "baby" I started thinking about song again. The last line is highly melodramatic, which of course made me smile. But that's the difference that fifty years makes. Don't think for a moment that I'm being condescending to your youth. I wish I could experience that intensity of passion more often. I view you as intellectually equal and artistically superior. You are one of the est young poets I have encountered in years. |
| simpleplan13 2008-05-25 ch 1, | abuseI think fp made up because the first line is repeated. The piece is nice. I really like the line about pink gravel because that was just cute and funny. I also like the description "choke'cahin footsteps" because its interesting. PS If you're bored today check out the Review Game and its Review Marathon (link in my profile) |