oh geez.
this is awesome.
i love the line
"i saw you standing in your red Dorothy shoes."
good job

"Sing you songs"
I am but confused by this. Do you mean "Sing, you songs" or "Sing youR songs"?

"(Death is only grass and leaves)"
Amazing line, very raw.

Like another reviewer I agree that the first stanza is my fav too :) I particularly like the holding of the sweaty hand. It makes it seem so clumsy but pure but still sinful. Ah, the contradictions! X_x

Lovely song, I hope it has music to go along :)

- Frac from the Review Marathon and the Review Game. Come visit if you'd like (link in profile)

I can see your writing like, evolutionize from your more early works. :D It's really, really beautiful now. I hope you continue more in this style.

I'd love to listen to it with the music I'm sure it has. I love the way your poetry has developed along the years. I know mine has not at all :S And darling, there's not such thing as much poetry!

Well, I have read a lot of your stuff and I must say your writing style has really developed and matured over time. The stuff your writing now seems more real-life rather then fairy tales (which I know some readers aren't ready for). Anyways keep the good work and you probably will be published one day.

I really like this, good job!
Faith

i would love to hear this..i like the lyrics well enough on their own but i'm guessing it would work far better musically.

I LOVE this!

The first stanza is DEFINITELY my favorite, but I adore this whole thing. I've noticed your writing has been getting...grittier, I guess, less sort of I-like-fairy-tales-and-cupcakes like it was before, and while I enjoyed it plenty before, I really, REALLY like the edge you're developing. Keep up the good work, darling.