It does has some rough spots but I liked it anyway. I'm also trying to get a story written for nanowrimo so I know how it is. Anway, it was nice to finally see this story updated. Whens the next chapter due to be up?
:D

~nicola~

For once, (I! Me!) have nothing to critizise (i do no think i spelled that right). Again, I am in awe of your writing style (can you say green with envy?) and reading your stories is so much fun! Like going to the movies for free! (not that I ever have, um, *cough* *cough*)
I hope you continue this!
Ciao!
~nic~

Wowza! (corny, i know but thats all i can say) I went on reading this thinking, 'oh lord, lemme help this person out their writing probably needs alot of work. This piece slapped me in the face.
Your writing style is amazing, you have such a way with descriptive words that it was like i was watching a movie playing in my head. Awesome!
The only erors that i see are a few typos and missing words here and there. My only suggestion would be to get a beta-reader to rub out those minor kinks. Other than that, its amazing for a 1st draft.
Trust me, i know what its like to be stuck writing a story for years that you just can't seem to put onto paper. (i've been writing my first major story for about 4 or 5 years now and i'm not past chapter 4 and it still sucks)
This story is so interesting that i could practically feel that characters emotions. weird.
You must update, please :)
-nicola