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You definitely did a good job with this character's 'voice.' It is very distinct and tells a lot about him(?)

My only suggestion would be to watch lengths, both sentences and paragraphs. Long sentences can make the writing confusing, and long paragraphs can make a story intimidating to a reader.

Nice job overall!

Great job at description. It seems you have interesting characters. Nice work. Keep writing!

Good luck with writing, this story, and life. Have a lovely day and a wonderful summer.

~Twilight Starr~