I loved it! :)

Aw! I wanna know what happens! It was getting to a good part too. Will um...You know I read the story but I just forgot the main characters name. The closet thing I know was cupcake. Anyways will his Foster parents accept him being gay and dating Yuriy? I really want to know what happens so please post another chapter. Oh and um, in my opinion, Manya needs a seme boyfriend in this story because he seems like a total uke to me. Anywho keep up the good work!

I read your story this weekend and I really enjoyed it. I like how it wasn't all major depressing but wasn't all candyland either. I really liked you're writing style on this. It had a very nice flow. I can't stand it when people cuss way too much or when all they want is to write a story with some intense sexy content and you found a nice balance (I've read many a slash and sometimes it gets old you know?)Thanks and keep it up WWO

I didn't think it was corny. I actually thought it was really sweet

First off, the length of this causes me angst. I wish it were two or three chapters. That's not actually a content critique, I just had to say that.

1. The description of his father with 'chocolate eyes' is romantic. 'Chocolate' is a romantic color, so it seems a bit odd to be used on a bad guy.

The description of the beating is great.

I don't know anything about covering bruises, but does purple turn to red?

2. You don't need to say 'being poor', just describe his outfit.

3. English is really, really hard to learn. Maybe make it three or four years?

Russians are hot.

4. Manya has the most ridiculously huge description ever. I think that what you're trying to get your readers to do is visualize this as an anime, but most slash fiction is veiwed that way, anyway. So Manya doesn't need to be described so... completely.

5. Justify your choices. The Father doesn't seem to have any motivation apart from intolerance of sexuality. And though I realize that that, in the real world, is a very powerful motivation, as a character, the father comes off as rather one demensional and plot-godded. He's not a device of god, he's a character. A deeper motivation might be needed.

As a whole, however, I liked this. The dialouge was fun, and the characters were interesting. This was a good read, so I hope you don't take my critiques as personal attacks, because I think this has potential.

Well, for a first fic ever, it wasn't so bad. I'll admit I skimmed through some parts wondering "why is this scene even here?" For instance, what was the point of even having Manya? His presence didn't really seem to accomplish anything.

The father's transition from (somewhat stereotypical) drunken abusive homophobic father to knife-wielding attempted murderer was kind of sudden and out of the blue, too.

I'm guessing you wrote this off the top of your head - which (imho) is a mistake, but I did that too, the first few stories. It makes you put in things that don't go anywhere (like Manya), even if they seem interesting at the time.

When you start a story, you should have a Notes file where you talk to yourself about why you think the idea is interesting enough to write a story about, and what you're hoping the reader will get out of it. It helps you make the story more cohesive, once you actually write it.

I do that for every scene, as well as the fic overall.

Anyway, as I said, you learn from everything you write, so keep it up.

that was the fucking SADDEST story i have ever read! like, sadder than books! well, i can probably think of a sadder book, at least a movie, but whatever. do you write poetry? 'cause i think you would be really good at dark, suicide poetry. that's what i did during math today. i wrote about how no one really cares and how we won't be missed.

Aw. I love this. It's a fantastic one shot, and gives you a good deal of insight into your magnificent characters. I think the plot was good as well. You're a good writer. Keep it up.

lots of mistakes and kind of overactive...needs work

that was cute and unbelievable corny, but in a good way.

cant wait for the next chapter

that's acutally quite good. I'd be interesseted in the second chapter